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Stan Helsing (Timon and Pumbaa at the Cinema Franchise From Scary Movie)
Transcript Timon and Pumbaa at the Movies: Stan Helsing {The video begins to show 20th Century Fox (with low pitch) and Pixar Animation Studios logos.} Timon: Well, enough of that. {He holds up a remote control and begins fast-forwarding through the movie} {Camera pulls back to show Timon and Pumbaa in silhouette in a row of theater seats, Mystery Science Theater 3000-style.} Pumbaa: Uh... Timon, what are you doing? Timon: I'm fast-forwarding to the part where we come in! Pumbaa: {aghast} But you can't go out of order! Timon: Au contraire, my porcine pal. I've got the remote! Pumbaa: But everyone's gonna get confused! {He grabs a second, bigger remote} We gotta go back to the beginning of the story. {He begins rewinding the movie} Timon: We're not in the beginning of the story! {He pauses the movie on Elysia Rotaru and Jessica Olafson in the bathroom stall, with a monkey screech; the movie begins fast-forwarding again} Pumbaa: Yes, we were! The whole time. {rewinds; the film reverses on a shot of a guy dressed as Superman with a squawk of confusion} Timon: Yeah, but they don't know that! {indicates the audience; switches the movie direction again, on Stan Helsing riding on a van, with a lion-roar sound} Pumbaa: Then why don't we tell them our story? {pauses the movie on a snarling close-up of Freddy Krueger, Jason Voorhees, Michael Myers and Leatherface; Timon and Pumbaa both shriek and dive under their seats} Timon: {slowly re-emerging} Hey, I got an idea. Why don't we tell them our story? Pumbaa: Oh, I like the sound of that. Timon: A little backstage tour. Take 'em behind the scenes for a revealing and intimate look at the story within the story! Pumbaa: 'Cause what they don't know is how we really were there even though they didn't know we were there, you know? Timon: Couldn't have said it better myself! {rewinds the movie again} Pumbaa: So does this mean we're going back to the beginning? Timon: {melodramatically} Oh, no, Pumbaa. No. We're going way back... to before the beginning. How Can a Scary Forest Be Scary? Timon: Pumbaa, how can a scary forest be scary? It's just scary! Pumbaa: Well, I think it's because a scary forest is what I like to call a group of creatures and monsters! Timon: And what about us villains? Where I come from we didn't have nothing to be proud of! Why: {clears throat; singing} When I was a young meerkat... Pumbaa: {singing} When he was a young meerkat... {blows Timon off his seatback} Timon: Very nice, but maybe it'd be safer if I just show 'em where I came from. Pumbaa: Oh, boy! Do we get to see where you grew up? Timon: Yeah, Pumbaa, but it ain't pretty. Pumbaa Sitting on the Remote {Stan Helsing is interrupted by an upcoming film The Tooth Fairy.} Timon: Hey, what's going on? Pumbaa, you're sitting on the remote! Pumbaa: Huh? Oh, sorry. I thought it was a brownie. Back to the Beginning of the Cockroach Timon: How convenient! Enter omniscient cockroach right on cue. Pumbaa: Well you know what they say when the student is ready, the teacher appears! Timon: That's it, no more fortune cookies for you! Timon and Pumbaa Rewind Stan Helsing Timon: {narrating as the camera continues to truck out, ending with the silhouettes and the theater seats} Well, that's it. The big wrap-up, the happy ending, the grand finale. Pumbaa: {whimpering} It's over already? Timon: Well, Pumbaa. That's the thing about endings. They come at the end. Pumbaa: {brightening} Ooh! Can we watch it again? Timon: Pumbaa, we just saw it. Maybe tomorrow. Ma: {entering in silhouette} Hey, what are you guys doing? {gasps as she sees the screen} You didn't tell me you were watching the movie! I wanna watch too! Timon: Ma, we just finished. Show's over. Ma: Well, you're just gonna have to rewind it! {She grabs Pumbaa's big remote and begins rewinding.} Timon: {pained} Ma! Ma: {calling offscreen} Uncle Max! We're gonna watch the movie! Timon: {despairing} Oh, no! Uncle Max: {entering, carrying a box of popcorn} Hey, I brought extra butter. Simba: {entering, walking along the seatbacks} Hey, you guys are watching the movie? Rafiki: {swinging in on vines} Hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo! Any story worth telling is worth telling twice. {The silhouette of Mickey Mouse walks in and sits down.} Timon: What the... {Snow White comes in, followed by the Dwarfs.} Snow White: Oh, excuse me... Happy: 'Scuse me. Sneezy: 'Scuse me. Doc: 'Scuse me. Sleepy: 'Scuse me. Bashful: 'Scuse me. Grumpy: Get outta the way. Timon: Who is this crowd? {The Genie flies in and sits down in the middle, followed by Aladdin and Jasmine on the flying carpet; Belle, the Beast, Mrs. Potts and Chip, Lady and the Tramp, and the Hippo from "Fantasia" are also seated in this row.} Timon: Hey, down in front! {In another row, Goofy, the Mad Hatter, the March Hare, and Donald Duck are sitting; Stitch crawls down the wall and jumps from head to head until he gets to a vacant seat.} Stitch: Oho! Goofy: Gawrsh! Stitch: Aloha! Donald Duck: {unintelligible squawking; he makes fists at Stitch} {In still another row, Quasimodo and Pocahontas sit at opposite ends of the row; Peter Pan flies in, followed by Tinker Bell, and imitates a rooster's crow. The Lost Boys all pile in, shouting. Switch to Timon's row, where he's holding two large bodies apart to keep them from squashing him.} Timon: Watch it! {straining} Unnnh! {Timon's row has Terk, Dumbo, Brer Bear, Mowgli, Baloo, the three gargoyles, and the three fairy godmothers from "Sleeping Beauty"; Terk and Victor the gargoyle squeeze together, and Timon squirts out from between them like a watermelon seed. He lands next to Pumbaa as the movie, still rewinding, nears the beginning.} Timon: {resigned} Okay, buddy. You win. Pumbaa: Sure you don't mind? Timon: {sincere} Stan Helsing. {stops rewinding and sees the 20th Century Fox logo} Pumbaa: But Timon... {fades to darkness} I still don't do so well in crowds! Category:Timon and Pumbaa At The Movies Segments